The discovery of an affair can be a traumatic experience.
Feelings of panic, fear, rage, deep sorrow, and a tremendous amount of confusion are all quite normal in this situation. It can be hard to function as you try to stop the hemorrhaging in your relationship and in your heart.
It's important to have someone who can help you make sense of the situation and figure out where to begin. Usually family and friends are too close to the situation to offer good advice. A therapist, trained in couples counseling and experienced in helping people survive infidelity, can help you move forward thoughtfully and productively.
The Truth about Betrayal
What We Think:
"It'll never happen to me."
"I would never/my partner would never do that."
"If my partner ever cheated, I would leave in a heartbeat. Anyone who stays is a fool!"
"If my partner ever found out about my affair, they would leave me immediately. I would never be forgiven."
"Anyone who cheats is not worthy of forgiveness."
Infidelity (emotional or physical) often happens in even "good" relationships.
Leaving the relationship or marriage is not the only option after infidelity.
Many couples are able to overcome and rebuild a STRONGER relationship after a betrayal has been discovered.
Good people sometimes do horrible things. Affairs happen for many reasons and they usually happen when people least expect it.
The truth is that there is often hope for a relationship after infidelity.
Rebuilding a relationship after a betrayal takes two people willing to work very hard, to be vulnerable, and to take a chance on each other.